A Caminhante

I went to yoga yesterday but it felt different. Nowadays it always feels different. One of my longest relationships has been with yoga. It started 7 years ago. We have had good and bad moments. I went from wanting nothing else but to practice, practice, practice to having to force myself to go to the shala, and the other way around. I hit the bottom several times, I filled myself with disappointment and allowed my ego to get the best of me. But then I would come back and try again. Every thing that was supposed to happen did happen. A mix of joy and tears, trust and disbelief. I had the uauuuu moments and the crappy moments. I did great and I did poorly – all entirely necessary. But relationships are meant to evolve and change. It’s natural! Truly speaking, I’ve lost my addiction and I’m happy for that. It is when we lose the addiction that we can start healthy relationships. Furthermore, my inner child - that was once so lost - is now content with what is, with how fa...

Fugimos. Fugimos dos outros, fugimos de nós mesmos. Corremos meio mundo para fugirmos de onde viemos, das lembranças, do passado, das raízes. Fugimos do medo, sem nos darmos conta de que ele nos segue de perto como a nossa sombra. Fugimos da dor como se a ausência de dor não fosse igualmente dolorosa. Fugimos da perda quando é na fuga que abdicamos do que nunca quisemos perder. Fugimos até nos esquecermos do que nos levou a fugir. Um dia descobrimos que quanto mais fugimos mais caminhamos de encontro ao que tememos.

Adoro caminhar sem destino. Deixar que os meus pés vão por onde querem sem pensar muito. Adoro as ruas estreitas e íngremes de Lisboa. Adoro subir e descer escadas. Adoro beber um café numa tasca de esquina. Adoro fotografar a beleza do que a minha alma capta. Preciso destes momentos como do ar que respiro. Momentos simples, banais, solitários, repletos de uma pitada de magia que só pode ser sentida com o coração.  Às vezes penso que estes são os únicos momentos que são verdadeiramente meus.

More than one person has told me recently that I do not listen nor accept advice from anyone. Any kind of criticism can be hard to handle but I have to admit they are probably right. I always wondered how could anyone see something in me that I do not see or realize something about me that I have not yet realized. And then it hit me. We usually don't look to ourselves because it can be very painful to look deeply into our true nature. So yes, I don't always listen. I don't even listen to my own breath. As a yoga practitioner I should. I should take the same to listen. And I should take the time to breathe calmly instead of rushing things. My yoga teacher always says: the breath will take you there, not the muscles. But it is easier for me to rely on my muscles, as it is easier to avoid the things I cannot handle with, as it is easier to run away when things get too messy. I have become a little runaway without noticing it. It is time to stop. My fears are waiting for me ...